Instability

One of the greatest difficulties for people with epilepsy (and their families) is the profound instability that seizures can cause in daily life. At the moment, Ben has had 3 beautiful seizure-free days. His personality is completely restored and he even seems to need a bit less rest than normal.

I’ve really enjoyed having Ben be fully Ben, his personality fully restored and our relationship back to normal. But I also know that one of the few things I’m enjoying right now is fleeting and can disappear at any moment.    My love, my best friend, becomes a stranger to me when he has his seizures.  This is certainly not true with everyone who has seizures.  But Ben’s seizures occur in a very specific location in his brain, and they profoundly affect his personality.  Also (and this is extremely unusual as well), the seizures or the after-effects of the seizures can last for days.

Because he’s been seizure-free for a few days, Ben is more hopeful and encouraging.  I, on the other hand, am walking on eggshells waiting for the next episode.  This is where our our observations and knowledge of reality differ greatly.

Ben recently started a new medication.  He will be increasing it weekly for the next week (at least; there is room to go up even more).  This makes the time of quiet even harder for me.  I know that the medicine may work, and I want to enjoy the days when Ben is not having seizures.  But I also know that while the medication may work for a time, the doctor has consistently reminded us that each new medication seems to work for Ben initially but over time, they all stop working.

I am trying to trust God with each day.  But the awareness that the volcano can blow at any moment always overshadows everything for me.

Isaiah 33:5 – 6

5 The Lord is exalted, for he dwells on high;
he will fill Zion with justice and righteousness,
6 and he will be the stability of your times,
abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge;
the fear of the Lord is Zion’s treasure.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in medical.

2 comments on “Instability

  1. Debbie Surrey says:

    Hi Nancy, I’m a friend of Helen’s, and just wanted to let you know I’m praying for you and your family. Your faith is such an encouragement, and I pray that God gives you peace and strength as you walk through this trial. So wonderful Ben’s had these seizure free days; praying they continue.

  2. Helen says:

    How I can relate to you friend. Praying that you would be able to have peace and enjoy this time with Ben. Praying for you all often.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s