On Balms (and Bombs)

About a year ago, during a season when Ben was suffering from multiple seizures, a dear friend of mine was praying for me.  She prayed that I would be a “balm” for my family in the midst of confusion and struggle.  I heard her pray that I would be a “bomb.” Her prayer made no sense to me at all.  I felt like a bomb about to blow.  Yet here she was, asking God that I would be a BALM meant to heal and soothe and comfort.

I am married to a man with a hidden disability.  Many of you are moms to children with hidden disabilities.  How do you separate your emotions and moods from those of your high-needs family member?

When my husband struggles, I struggle.  When he is cranky, I am more likely to be cranky.  When he yells at the children because his brain is overloaded and he can’t handle the noise, I…

fill in the blanks.  I wish I could say I respond with the grace of the Holy Spirit and I am a calming influence on my house.  Unfortunately, I find that when my husband sins, I am more tempted to sin.

Uh Oh…I am a bomb.

My husband sins.  I sin.  And when his brain is not acting properly, when he is struggling with seizures and fatigue and medication overload, he has a hard time.

Sometimes I think my husband has a particularly hard time because we have children.  Children are loud.  Children are messy.  By nature, children whine, complain, and argue.  And even though it’s supposed to get easier as they get older, it also gets HARDER as they enter the teen years and stay up later and are more sensitive to the moods of their parents and are undergoing hormonal (and neurological) changes of their own.  OUCH!

For those of you who are parents, I trust that God pours out His grace on you and that He enables you and your husband to support one another so that when one is weak the other is strong.  Ben and I do this at times.  But often my husband’s moods are dictated by his disability.  Unfortunately, when my husband experiences seizures and struggles physically (or neurologically or emotionally), I also struggle.  When Ben is cranky due to his limitations and disabilities, I struggle.  Oh how I wish I could be more Godly!  Oh how I wish I could be bigger than my husband’s limitations!  How I wish I could be more of a balm.

Each day, I go through major mood swings where I swing from being a BALM to being a BOMB.  I am so sorry for my children when I am a bomb.  And I am so thankful to God when I am a BALM.

How do you respond to the changing moods in your families?  How do you handle the shifting emotions of grownups and children AND a family member with hidden disabilities?  Are you a bomb, or a balm?

– See more at: http://chosenfamilies.org/author/prosthetic-memory/page/4/#sthash.C2aZZ1Hu.dpuf

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