I have spent the past several years trying to manage my husband’s disability. Sometimes this management is necessary, helpful, and gracious. Most of the time it borders on control.
I want to control my husband so that I can control his disability.
I “suggest” when he should eat, when he should sleep, when he should take it easy. I “remind” him that he fatigues easily, that he might benefit from doing less, from sleeping more. I limit our schedule so that we don’t overburden him.
The holidays are a hard time to be a control freak. So many things to do. So many unexpected things pop up. And now we add a new variable…we have family visiting who may or may not be aware of the daily limitations we place on my husband.
I am finding that I can no longer control the lives of those around me. I am learning to trust God, to trust my husband. And I am learning that it’s not the end of the world when things spiral out of control or my husband’s disability takes a turn for the worse. I can trust God with that, too. Because I have seen that things will come around again and get better.
This holiday season, I am learning to give up control. My husband’s disability is part of our life. At times it rules our life. Other times it’s in the background, like a computer program that is still running but not actively being used. But I cannot control my husband or his disability. I can’t prevent him from having seizures. But I can rest in the promises of our God, who gave up his own control to come to earth as a baby so that he would be beaten and bruised for our sake. It’s time to give up control and replace it simply with worship.
Worship with me this holiday season as we sing of past, present, and future grace:
From the squalor of a borrowed stable,
By the spirit and a virgin’s faith;
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Saviour of the human race!
But the skies were filled, with the praise of heav’n,
Shepherds listen as the angels tell
Of the Gift of God, come down to man
At the dawning of Immanuel
King of heaven now the Friend of sinners,
Humble servant in the Father’s hands,
Filled with power and the Holy Spirit,
Filled with mercy for the broken man
Yes he walked my road, and He felt my pain,
Joys and sorrows that I know so well;
Yet His righteous steps, give me hope again –
I will follow my Immanuel!
Through the kisses of a friend’s betrayal,
He was lifted on a cruel cross;
He was punished for a world’s transgressions,
He was suffering to save the lost
He fights for breath, He fights for me
Loosing sinners from the claims of hell;
And with a shout, our souls are free –
Death defeated by Immanuel!
Now He’s standing in the place of honour,
Crowned with glory on the highest throne,
Interceding for His own beloved
Till His Father calls us to bring them home!
Then the skies will part, as the trumpet sounds
Hope of heaven or the fear of hell;
But the Bride will run, to her Lover’s arms,
Giving glory to Immanuel!