Would you like to know why there are so many scriptures on waiting on the Lord? Because waiting is HARD!!
Those of us who live with hidden disabilities as part of our family life are familiar with waiting: waiting for a diagnosis, waiting for a change, waiting for employment, waiting to see how God will resolve a certain situation.
I have grown weary with waiting. Scripture tells us in Galatians 6:9 “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
I don’t know if I’ve given up. But I do know that I no longer expect God to act quickly or to act in my favor. I no longer expect for things to fit into neat little packages that resolve quickly and easily for God’s glory.
Below is a picture of my family after running a 5K this past weekend. The race was particularly significant because my husband walked it with our son. He had been incapacitated by a knee injury for almost a year, and it was such a blessing for him to be able to cross that finish line with our almost twelve year old son.
I am currently in a difficult season of waiting. Waiting used to be easy for me. Now…not so much. I am waiting for my husband to get an MRI scheduled (it’s been over 4 weeks) so that we can figure out why he has lesions on the right frontal lobe of his brain … not an area where we have ever seen seizure activity before. We are waiting to see whether we will prevail in arguing our case before insurance companies due to Ben’s accident last year. And I am waiting for a new job. My current job leaves me reduced to tears each day. I feel as though I am entering enemy territory each morning as I go to work; the environment is not hostile, but it is not conducive to spiritual or emotional growth, or even any kind of friendship. I am working far from home and have been begging God for a job closer to home for almost a year now.
Our season of waiting includes so many unknowns. But God knows.
The other day my thirteen year old came to me as she saw that I was struggling and she said, “Mom … I want you to know something I read this week.” “What, sweetie,” I asked, tears of unbelief and pain clinging to my eyes. “I read that God will never give us more than we can handle,” she said. Had any seasoned Christian said this to me, I might have responded in a way that was … well, less than kind. But it occurred to me that my daughter may have never heard this before. I suggested she read Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” And she prayed for me. My sweet, on-the-cusp-of adulthood daughter, prayed for me (!) that God would not give me more than I can handle.
My girls ran the 5k last weekend. With 3500 other students from Montgomery County, they ran. They ran fast. And they enjoyed it. They remind me of Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Lord, please help me not grow weary with the waiting!!
Finally, for those single moms or moms whose husbands are disabled: How many of you are the sole wage earners in your family? Are you working in the field you studied in college? What type of extended family support do you have? I think I need more support than I’m getting, but I honestly don’t know how to find it. I could write an entire blog post titled, “On Rejection.” I am waiting on a diagnosis for my husband, a job for myself where I don’t cry every day, a new therapist in our insurance plan, and practical help with how to deal with rejection (or seeming rejection ) in any form, since I am being asked to do cold calling almost every day as a part of my job (though there is nothing at all about this in my job description). Any suggestions from those of you who have been there before would be greatly appreciated!
Journeying with you,