It’s been a LONG time since I’ve done anything crafty. Recently I found some joy in picking up my crochet hook and making some fun crafts: hats for my three-year old nephews (triplets!) and for my son. I haven’t done anything fun like this in a long time, and it reminded me how much I used to love creating things.
Now, please understand that I am not crafty, regardless of what these pictures convey. I did not learn to crochet or knit until I was almost 40. But in those few years, I have found knitting and crocheting to be a form of therapy. I loved losing myself in a project; dreaming about the next project; wearing my own creations; and buying yet more yarn for projects to come.
Even though I haven’t stopped knitting or crocheting, the weight of living with hidden disabilities has caused me to lose joy in my craft. I have dutifully continued with simple projects, yet my heart has not been in any of them. I have been aware only of my challenges. I have lost my joy.
The same is true with my Christian faith. I haven’t stopped doing the things I’ve always done. I go to church. I pray. I attend small group (when I’m not too exhausted and worn out from work). I read the Bible and Christian books. But the joy has been lost. I have been more aware of my difficult circumstances than I have of my wonderful, loving God.
This past month, God has restored some of my joy. I have begun really crafting again…just in time for costume season. I have occasionally been playing piano. I’ve initiated times of fellowship with friends. And, most importantly, I’ve been finding joy in the Lord.
I can’t say why this change has taken place. Circumstances continue to be difficult. Most days I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle. I still find myself crying at times as I fear for the future. The government shutdown has impacted my work for a government contracting company. But in the midst of the ups and downs of living with so much uncertainty, I feel as though God has restored my faith. I have done nothing to warrant this change. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my faith rests not on what I have done, but on what God has done for me. And I am so thankful for the promise of Philippians 1:6: And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
I give thanks to God that it is not up to me to sustain my relationship with Him. I am so thankful that He loves me more than I ever could possibly love Him. And I am thankful that He does not give up on me when I am at my lowest. He walks with us in the midst of challenges, uncertainties, and times of doubt. He is the anchor for our souls, even when we feel rudderless.
Tomorrow I may wake up depressed. Tomorrow I may wake with less hope. But I know that my faith is secure. It doesn’t rest on my feelings. And so I’ll continue to go through the motions. Because I can be certain that God is knitting me into the person He wants me to be. And He will not fail.
Knowing that He is faithful,