Quotes on Suffering

My life…amazes me.  Shocks me.  I could never have fathomed the issues that I deal with.  Ben and I have joked that we know things are difficult when people continue to give us books with the words “Suffering” in the title.  We know we aren’t suffering nearly as much as others we know.  We have a strong marriage and family and an incredible community of people surrounding us and praying for us.  But these books help us learn to trust God in our own unique circumstances.

Here are some quotes from the book “Suffering and the Sovereignty of God.”

“Sufferers want to be ministered to by people who have suffered.  …People who suffer want people who have suffered to tell them there is hope.  They are justifiably suspicious of people who appear to have lived lives of ease.  There is no doubt in my mind that this is the reason that Jesus suffered in every way that we do, while he was here.  First Peter says, “This (your) suffering is all part of what God has called you to in Christ, who suffered for you, is your example.  Follow in his steps.”

Most of the quotes are from the chapter by Dustin Shramek:  Waiting for the Morning during the Long Night of Weeping.

“No amount of good theology is able to take the pain out of our suffering.  Too often we allow ourselves to believe that a robust view of God’s sovereignty in all things means that when suffering comes it won’t hurt.  God’s sovereignty doesn’t take away the pain and evil that confronts us in our lives; it works them for our good.

The pain of suffering is both dark and deep.  This is crucial to see, for when we minimize the pain of suffering we can no longer understand the apostle Paul, who said, “For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” (2 Cor 4:17).  There is nothing astounding about such a statement if Paul is speaking about hangnails, stubbed toes, and his favorite shirt getting stained.

So it is good for us to delve into the depths of our pain in suffering, for in so doing we will be teaching ourselves the far greater value of the eternal weight of glory.

When we read about great saints of the past, we hear about their suffering, which is immediately followed by their triumph through Christ.  Rarely do we truly enter with them into their dark night of the soul, when all around them nothing makes sense.

He experienced the truth of Psalm 34:19, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.”  But let us not so quickly go from the affliction to the deliverance and thus minimize the pain in between.

Jesus Christ has felt such pain.  He is able to sympathize.  “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Heb 4:16).

This is our hope in the midst of suffering.  There is no one more powerful.  There is no one more loving.  There is no one more merciful.  There is no one more compassionate.  There is no other God but God.  He alone is Savior, and he alone is Lord.  It is because God is holy that we can have confidence that he will fulfill his promises to us, that his power will be used to help us, that his mercy will be poured out on us, and that his wisdom will design our suffering and everything else in our lives to work together for our good.”

So I can’t look to my circumstances.  I have no idea what this year will hold for us. So I just wait.  And try to trust God.

Where I Put My Hope

I’m realizing that my tendency is to put my hope in Ben’s upcoming doctor appointment in New York, rather than putting my hope in God.

“Maybe this next treatment will work.”  “Maybe this doctor will understand things better.”  “Maybe this doctor will be our Savior.”

But we already have a Savior, and we our told to put our hope in His finished work, not in the things of man.

Please pray that next week’s appointment will yield some promising results.  But pray even more that we would put our hope in a wise and sovereign God and not in a distinguished doctor or new drug.  We do hope for treatment and cure.  But ultimately, we hope and pray for a sustaining faith regardless of the outcome of this doctor’s visit.

My Hope is Built

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

Refrain:  On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

On Prayer (and It’s a Wonderful Life)

There’s this great scene in the beginning of the classic Christmas movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.”  It’s a heartbreaking scene, where George Bailey is standing on a bridge contemplating suicide because of his indirect responsibilities for problems at the bank.  In this scene, we hear the unseen townspeople praying for George Bailey.  We hear voices, young and old, of people praying for George.

When Ben was in the hospital, one of our friends Su Shannon said that she felt like Ben’s situation was similar to George Bailey’s.  She said that she could just imagine a scene in our life where the tangible world just falls away, and all that is left are the voices of so many people lifting up Ben in prayer.

That is why I keep this blog, and that is why I share some of our difficulties on here.  Ben and I believe that it is the unseen things in life that are more important that those things that are seen.  And we know that the effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. (James 5:16).  We walk by faith, not by sight.  God’s timing is so very different from our timing.  But we trust Him.  Our prayer is that our circumstances would change.  But in the meantime, we desire to live within our circumstances in a way that brings glory to God.

Again, I’ll close with 2Corinthians 4:18:  as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

On Acting

Our Music Academy Summer Musical rehearsals have started this week.  Over 100 students are participating in our original musical, “Five Loaves and Two Fish:  A Tale of Divine Catering.”  It’s exciting to walk through the church and see rooms of students intently focusing on their individual parts.  We have students from Kindergarten through 8th grade participating in various ways:  orchestra, choir, cast, singers, dancers…and an army of high school volunteers who are assisting with everything from dancing to make-up to costumes.

Growing up, I always wanted to be an actress.  As a young child, I was filled with excitement each year watching our high school musical, dreaming of the day when I would be old enough to participate.  As a teen, I attended theater camp for many years and loved being in shows.

Now my greatest role is my life.  A few months ago, when I was really struggling, I wrote in my journal about how I always wanted to be an actress, and how strangely, that desire has been oddly fulfilled as I feel that I am acting every day:  “watch Nancy ACT like everything is OK when she is crying inside.  Watch Nancy ACT happy and joyful when she’s filled with anger.”  But I also realized…the more I act like I am OK, the better I feel.  It’s amazing what control we really can have over our behavior.  There are so many days when I just want to cry and stay in bed.  But I don’t have that luxury…and I know that by simply doing the next thing, with a smile on my face, the help of the Holy Spirit, and a kind word to my neighbor, I am not only acting, but I am becoming the person that I am acting like.

I hope I win an Academy Award in heaven.

Smile, You’re on Candid Camera

Because our lives have changed so dramatically over the past year, I keep expecting to wake up one morning and find things back the way they used to be.  It’s almost as if I expect someone to show up and say, “Smile, you’re on Candid Camera.”  Then Ben and I can laugh in relief over this difficulty that we’ve walked through and return to our former lives.

I know this isn’t going to happen.  Our family needs to make some big lifestyle changes.  Ben’s health continues to be the primary focus of our lives, and we need to come to terms with the fact that many, if not all of these changes are permanent.  We pray for improvement and ask God for healing.  But we also need to find practical solutions to some very real health issues.

I know we’re not on Candid Camera (I used to love that show so many years ago!).  But Ben and I hold a firm belief that there is Someone watching us, Someone who will one day hold us accountable for the way that we respond to this trial.  As difficult as it can be, we desire to live each day with the knowledge that we are on God’s Candid Camera.  He is not only watching us, but He is WITH us in this trial.  And so we press on, eager to please Him with our responses to circumstances that are so different from the ones we desire.

Please pray for us.  Please pray that we would make wise decisions as we try to deal with Ben’s ongoing illness.  Please pray that God would protect Ben as the seizures continue.  And please pray for our children, who have had to see their father hurting in so many ways over the past year.

Hebrews 12:1-2 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Shelter in the Storm

Most days, I am amazingly aware of how firmly our house is standing despite heavy winds, unrelenting rain, and occasional flooding.  Other days, all I notice is how weather-beaten the house has become.  How there are leaks in the ceiling and rot in the drywall.  How we’ve trampled mud throughout the carpeting and everything is damp and dreary.  Most days, all I can really think about is how much work is required just to keep the storm and its effects from overtaking our house.

The storm in our lives continues.  As with most storms, there are occasional moments when the rain lets up for a short season.  But for the most part, the storm clouds are never very far away and the driving rains continue to make us feel battered and worn.  I pray that I am building my house up in this season of storm, rather than tearing it down.

Some days I am more aware of the storm than I am of God’s protection.  Some days I am more aware of the storm than I am of God’s shelter.

I need to remember the most important thing of all:  that God is with us in the storm.  He has not left us nor forsaken us.

Isaiah 41:10

fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

Thank you, Lord.  It is your presence that is keeping us in the midst of this storm.

Happy (Eighteenth!) Anniversary

Proverbs 22:1:
A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches

Thank you, my love, for the great name Chouinard.   True, we would both prefer a good name AND riches. But if I had to choose, I would choose you and your name each time.

Seven years ago, I wrote you a poem for our eleventh anniversary.  I am reprinting it here, with a few changes to the last stanza:

We Were Children When We Wed

We were children when we wed
My vision was so small
I never thought too far ahead
I feared we'd fail God, but He's led
Us farther than I dared to dream
And for His glory, all!

We were children when we wed
For years I never knew
The meaning of the vows we said
Or how to love you as my head
But God bestowed His wondrous grace
His Word is sure and true!

We were children when we wed
But then His Spirit blew
Transforming us into His Son
Turning our two hearts into one
And as each day progresses, still,
We find His mercies new.

We were children when we wed
And now, my childhood friend
Our love has grown so rich, so sweet
With passion, comfort, depth and heat
You truly make my life complete
God's blessings know no end!

And so my childhood friend, my love
Thanks for this taste of heaven.
The sweetness of our Father's care
The joy you bring, the love we share
Our difficulties draw us near
To Him who never fails.

Ben,

I would not change a minute of our eighteen years together. I am so very thankful for the early years in our marriage and the many wonderful things we experienced together.  I am thankful for our childbearing years with their many trials and difficulties.   And I am thankful that we can walk through this new trial together.  We have lived many lifetimes over the past 18 years, and I am so blessed to have walked through it all with you.  He has given us a blessed past, and our future rests in His strong hands.

Happy Anniversary, love.

On handling unpleasant emotions

Ben and I are walking down a road right now that neither one of us could have ever imagined.  Ben is being asked to lay down so many things that comprise the very essence of who he is.  I am being called on to take on more and more responsibilities.  God, in his providence, has arranged our circumstances so that we both feel stretched beyond our limits (and have for many years).

We pray.  We ask God to change our circumstances.  But our tendency can also be to grumble.  To complain.  To charge God with not being good to us.

Ben and I were talking today, and we realized that behind all of our complaining, underneath all of our anger and frustration and grumbling, what we are really experiencing is grief.

The Bible has a lot to say about grumbling and about complaining, and none of it is good.  But the Bible also has a lot to say about grieving.   The losses Ben and I are experiencing are very real.  We are grieving the loss of Ben’s health.  We are mourning the loss of his freedom and ability to do many of the things he loves.  We are saddened by the fact that I need to take on even more work to help our family financially.  And we are grieving over the impact of all of these things on our children.

In 1Thessalonians 4:13, the apostle Paul reminds his readers not to “grieve as others do who have no hope.”  My prayer is that Ben and I would not grumble or complain, but that we would grieve as those who have hope.  I pray that our grief would remind us that God promises us that there will be a day when God will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.  Lord, help us to live in light of that day.

God’s Providence

“God, in his providence, has the power and the will to work all things together for good for his people.  This does not mean that everything that happens to us is, in itself, good.  Really bad things do happen to us.  But they are only proximately bad; they are never ultimately bad.  That is, they are bad only in the short (proximate) term, never in the long term.  Because of the triumph of God’s goodness in all things, he is able to bring good for us out of the bad.  He turns our tragedies into supreme blessings.”

RC Sproul

If a tree falls in the forest…

“If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?”

This cliche is the perfect allegory for one of the great battles going on right now in our household.  Wikipedia defines the question as a philosophical riddle that raises questions regarding observation and knowledge of reality.

When Ben has  seizures they occur directly in the memory center of his brain.  Unfortunately, this leaves him with little or no recollection of the event.  So one of the greatest challenges in our life is that the seizures occur, but Ben does not experience them with the same clarity or recollection as the people around him.  He simply does not know when he is having seizures.   So even though we are living in the same home and sharing the same experiences, our observations and knowledge of reality differ greatly.

I am amazed that our relationship has remained as strong as it is.  And I am thankful to God that our homelife has remained relatively peaceful.

I am thankful that nothing escapes the perfect knowledge of God.  And I am thankful that He promises in Philippians 4:6 – 7:  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Ben and I have the peace of God, which surpasses both of our understanding of this situation.  Thank you, Lord.  We would truly be lost without You.